All Those Years Ago

I can say I was lonely and craved human touch,
I can say I was youthful and selfish and such.
I can justify all that I want, looking back,
But I cannot escape undeniable fact,
That even back then, I knew it ain't right,
To go out and look for the weakest each night,
To glance round the bar judging which would be you,
The most vulnerable chick I could have for some brew.

If you slurred your words and could not stand up straight,
You were well in the lead to be that night's mate.
We'd go back to my place, I'd get you undressed,
For a drink and a toke you'd give me your best.
You gladly accepted your payment in beer,
But the price that I paid was so much more dear.
You gave me your body - drowned in booze was your mind,
But in that exchange was my soul left behind.

You gave me your body, you gave me your trust,
I gave you my unbridled animal lust.
Now all these years later when that's asked of me,
My guilt over you will not let it be.
I'm chained by the memory of how I used you,
Like a live blow-up doll who was there just to screw,
And that you consented did not make it right,
When all you did want was a bed for the night.

You did what you had to for shelter and food;
That I was kinder than most did not make it good.
I preyed upon you, who were weak and alone,
And I carry that cross, having never atoned;
Though for each of you, there were many of me,
Twas my choice to be one, my darkness I see.
And though I had thought that I'd left you behind,
When alone once again, I had you, in my mind.

Now it is time that I move on for real,
Time to let go of the guilt that I feel,
To set myself free from the conquests of youth,
And finally face what I know to be truth:
To give all I have, I have to let go,
Of the chains on my soul that have held me back so;
I must now cast them off for my lust to fly free,

And say "I'm sorry" to you, "I forgive you" to me.

* * * * *

Prologue (written in the early 1990's):

An Ode to Kitty (and Friends)

I had a little Eskimo who really liked to fuck,

She was a horny little slut, and she knew how to suck.

Sometimes she'd let me tie her down with handcuffs and some rope,

She'd say "Do with me what you will, just give me beer and dope."

Her pussy was so warm and tight,

Her morals were quite loose,

We fucked until the day my dick

Fell off from overuse.